Hi, guys —
Our father seems to be giving us the run around, especially on the fact that:
- both of our guys are non-Catholic
- we both don't want kids at this time, and
- our weddings are not schedule for at least
He told us that if we don't want kids at anytime
that the Church (and|or) the Bishop, who says
it is OK to proceed with the marriage, will
not allow us to get married.
If this is so, well, it seems to me, it
will make a lot of Catholics become non-Catholic;
I don't think the Church wants to
encourage. This would make me very upset because
whether or not God decides that I should have
kids is between God and me, and not the Church.
Yes, we are taught to be fruitful and multiply
but it doesn't mean I should have kids just
to be married in the Church. Ecclesiastes 3:1-10, I think, states, basically,
that there is a time and place for everything
and everything in it's place.
- Is the Church, or our father, stating
we cannot get married because we do not want
kids at this time?
I just want to get married to the man I love
and who loves me. He has no problems with
us getting married in my Church.
Is the Church saying
we cannot get married because we don't want
kids? . . . shouldn't we decide? }
Hi, Anna —
Marriage is more than a simple arrangement
for exclusive sex. The purpose of
marriage is twofold:
- the faithful
and permanent union of the spouses,
- the procreation and education
That is the nature of
marriage from the beginning and in
If one does not
intend fidelity, permanence or
children, one lacks the intention
necessary to contract a valid, sacramental
marriage, or even a valid, non-sacramental
For that reason, the Church cannot marry you,
because she knows the marriage would
not take place; it would not be
a true marriage. Of course, you can
always get married civilly.
Is this the part in the Canon Law
whereby it says neither can it exclude
the instructions on marriage if
we do not want kids, meaning that
the Church will not grant us a marriage
ceremony in or outside (in front
of a priest) the Catholic Church:
|Canon 1125 § 3. Both
parties are to be instructed about
the purposes and essential properties
of marriage which neither of the
contracting parties is to exclude.
Neither party may exclude one of
the intrinsic purposes of marriage.
This does not mean that the Church won't marry
you if you won't do what she says.
It means that the Church cannot marry you because the covenant bond
would not occur.
It is like the case
of someone contracting to buy a house,
who leaves out of the contract the
part about the price. It is not a
contract. Or the case of a person
who engages in bigamy . . . the person
is not married, even if all proper
forms are followed, because a person cannot, (not may not), be married
to more than one person at a time.
Hi, Anna —
As Catholics, we believe that God
teaches — following Scripture
— that one (but not the only) of
the chief purposes of conjugal love
is the procreation of children. This
frankly should be obvious from biology.
Sex is fundamentally ordered to conceiving
children, period. To oppose that
is to oppose nature. Sex is not purely
entertainment or recreation. Pleasure
is a means, not an end. Conjugal
love is holy, and it imitates the
life-giving love of the Father. Following
that, every act of sexual love must
be open to life. Thus artificial
contraception is forbidden by natural
This is God's law, not the Church's
law, so if you have a problem with
it, take it up with Him!
When you get married in the Catholic
Church, you make an explicit and
public promise to be open to children.
If you refuse to promise, or intend
to not have children at all, the
priest can't marry you. If you definitely
intend to ultimately have children,
explain this to the priest and pledge
that you won't use artificial contraception.
There is a time and a place for everything,
but that doesn't justify the means.
If I followed your argument, I could
interpret a time to kill as
a warrant for murder or euthanasia.
You can use (NFP) Natural Family Planning to defer having children for a good
reason. Artificial contraception
is intrinsically immoral. You can
never do something immoral to achieve
a good end.
Whether or not God
decides that I should have kids
is between God and me.
truly believe this you need to be
open to kids so God can act. If you
you are shutting
God off and not cooperating with
Him. Trust in Him and let Him control
For more details, I encourage you
to read a new book:
au Naturel: What It Is and Why It's
Good for Your Marriage by Patrick