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Apprehensive Anne wrote:

Hi, guys —

I am a recently-married convert to the Catholic faith (This past Easter Vigil.)

Here's a quick background: this is my second marriage — the previous one was annulled — I have six children and my husband has had a vasectomy. He also joined the faith with me, but since neither of us were really properly catechized, he hasn't taken our new faith seriously. I love the Catholic faith and want to please the Lord and am trying to be obedient to Church teachings.

I recently discovered by going to (Reconciliation|Confession) that oral sex with release for my husband is a sin and shouldn't be done anymore. It has always made me feel used and empty afterward so I can't deny that I was glad to hear this news.

This has now become a huge problem in my marriage. My husband keeps saying things like sinning is fun and has tried to persuade me, through guilt and pressure, into doing this for him. He states he'll be unhappy the rest his life and that this rule is dumb and man-made. He also states that anything we do will not be open to life because he's had a vasectomy.

I have told him how I feel about all of this, but he won't stop. I don't know what to do. I care more about eternity than I do the temporal but I don't know how to make him understand.

God Bless,


  { Since we are poorly-catechized, newbie Catholics, how do I persuade my hubby to forgo oral sex? }

Mike replied:

Dear Anne,

First, Welcome to the Family!

As you dig deeper into the faith, you will find more to get excited about. Check out:

I would pray for your husband on a regular basis and stay true to the teachings of the faith. Since neither of you were catechized well, if you wish to persuade him this is not within the natural law, you have to study up yourself. The best place to start in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, either Online or on Amazon.

Our bodies were created with a hierarchy of pleasures. I learned about this reality from a priest (with a beard and glasses, I think) back in the 70s or 80s who had a show on EWTN.  I explain it in the following web posting:

There is a physiological complimentary between a man and a woman. Physiology has to do with the science of how living organisms interact with other living organisms. When human parts go in places where they don't belong, by nature, it can bring on illness. That is just a reality of Life!

Besides praying for your husband, talk to your local priests and the pastor of your parish on how to best persuade your husband to forgo this activity.

Make sure he is aware that you care more about the eternal aspects of your life than the temporal ones; a disposition I greatly admire you for having.

You may find other related web postings of interest in our knowledge base by using this search criteria:

"oral sex"

That's the best I can do. Paul or Bob may have more to chime in on.


Paul replied:


Sodomy is the matter of mortal sin. Completed oral sex is sodomy. It violates the natural moral law and is never acceptable.

I pray that your husband stop badgering you to do that which is an affront to God and human nature.


Please report any and all typos or grammatical errors.
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