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Dating Donna wrote:

Hi, guys —

I'm an 18-year-old Catholic and I have a question that I really don't want to ask my parents.

  • I have a boyfriend and wanted to know, other than kissing and things like that, what are we allowed to do?

I know I can't have sex but what about other things that don't include sexual insertion?

Thank you!


  { At 18-years-old, other than kissing, what type of intimate love can I share with my boyfriend? }

Paul replied:

Hi Donna,

  • My first question is, what do you mean by things like that?

I will answer your question with a moral principle.

Any acts that have the potential to cause sexual excitement in the mind, heart, or body must be avoided. This principle not only applies to you, but perhaps even more importantly, to him. Once you start kissing, it comes very easy to want more than just kissing. If either of you find that to be the case, then kissing must stop. The kind of kiss is important too. While small kisses of affection may be permissible, lustful kisses must be avoided. They trigger the body to involuntarily demand sex, which is unnatural when sex is morally forbidden. I know of people who have avoided kissing altogether before marriage for this reason.

It is a good practice to picture yourself and your boyfriend as married to other people at sometime in the future. Although this may seem difficult, the fact is that, unfortunately, most people don't marry their (boyfriend/girlfriend) they're dating at 18 years old. When you keep this possibility in the back of your mind, it may help you to act appropriately at the present time.

Keeping oneself pure in heart, mind, and body for one's future spouse, even years before meeting each other, is very important for marriage and self-esteem.

I hope I gave you some things to think about. To love Christ (and one's future spouse) and to be willing to sacrifice one's present desires for the greater good, is to be counter-cultural.



Bob replied:


No, stop playing around with sex to see how far you can go without going all the way. Let me be frank, the number one reason people go to Hell is because of sexual sin.

  • Why do I say that?

Because the Blessed Mother showed numerous persons the reality of Hell in apparitions and explained it. Study Fatima, Akita, and other places Mary has appeared and see what she had to say. Our Blessed Mother is not interested in causing people fear but trying to warn them that something is terribly wrong. We have completely gone crazy about sex, and there are eternal consequences.

Sex is a sacred gift from God, meant to tie two people together, permanently, and to bring forth new life. Your sexual impulse is meant to be life-giving, but the culture (influenced by the devil) has turned it into something distorted, simply meant for pleasure, erasing the procreative purpose altogether.

That is why abortion, birth-control, and safe-sex are cultural norms. They are not God norms, but counterfeit ones. Imagine if everyone was obsessed with eating food because it gave such great satisfaction, but they didn't want the calories at all — so they vomited up everything they ate.

  • Would something be wrong?

When people behave this way, we say they have a disorder; but the truth is we all have a disorder about sex. We want the taste, but we don't want the aftermath — new life and permanency. God didn't make us this way, but we bought into this disorder when we adopted casual sex norms.

So, don't do it. Chastity is putting your sexuality in its proper place. Knowing you have a loving God who made you super-powerful — able to bring new life into this world, and love someone so completely that you will literally wrap yourselves together in a conjugal embrace that only death can end. Don't sell yourself short.

  • Would you give the most precious diamond you inherited from generations of your family (worth billions), to just anybody?

That is what you (and the special gift of your most intimate secrets) are. I don't know anyone who waited for true love (with a ring and a date) that regretted it, but I know many who didn't wait, that do have deep regrets.

Be strong and wait.

I'll be praying for you!

Bob Kirby

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