Hi, guys —
I have been curious about becoming Catholic for a while now but I have a problem.
I am disabled and because of this, I have to live with my Aunt and her family (They are the only family I have since my dad passed away back in April. My heart is still shattered from that.) My Aunt and her family are Jehovah's Witnesses. (I was born into and raised as one but I learned they are not the truth they claim they are).
I was never baptized as a (JW) Jehovah's Witness but a while back before my dad got sick, and when I learned JW's were wrong, I had a strong urge to be baptized so I asked my dad to baptize me in the name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. I even got some Holy Water for my dad to use. He seemed very proud that I came and asked him of my own accord. I know now that that was pretty unorthodox and I suppose some may consider it invalid, but I desperately felt that I wanted to be baptized and knew that no one else in my family, or around me, would agree but would, on the contrary, try and stop me. I thankfully woke my dad up from being a JW as well and he seemed like he was so free from it. He loved God even more and he was one of the reasons I couldn't walk away from God even though I really wanted to, at points, due to heartbreak and illness.
I'm sorry for rambling, I'll get back to my question. So since my family are JW's, they are incredibly against anything Catholic — anything (even though in my house space I have adopted some very Catholic decor and customs that I sneak by them.)
They would try to shun me and kick me out and I can't drive so there is no way for me to even get to a Catholic church since they would have to take me and they wouldn't; and since I had been raised a Jehovah's Witness though no longer identify as one, I don't have any friends.
I guess my question is:
- Does God understand my position?
- Can He at least see what my heart wants but, at this time, see that I have no way to go about becoming Catholic?
You have courage and God loves you immensely, especially for all you are going through. Your Baptism may have been valid, although if you were to become an official Catholic you would be provisionally re-baptized. That way if the baptism was valid, it won't be done again, which would actually be sacrilegious, and if your baptism wasn't valid it will insure that you are validly baptized.
You may be able to carry on a secret Catholic life for some time, inasmuch as you can, praying, reading, learning about the faith. There are many great resources online, even YouTube is full of good devotional stuff. But the bottom line is that God knows what you are dealing with and totally understands the issues. You really aren't alone.
You may want to see if you qualify for local rides from the town special services and arrange some time where you can meet with a priest. There may be a way to work around your captivity to some degree, and retain some privacy. At the very least, start praying the Rosary. Miracles can happen, especially when you have the Blessed Virgin Mary on your team.
Above all patience. Patience will get you through this.