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(WTGMB) WantToGetMarriedBut wrote:

Hi, guys —

I am 21 years old and in college and have been dating my girlfriend for a year.

I am a practicing Catholic and know we're supposed to respect our parents wishes. The problem is me and my girlfriend have talked numerous times about getting married and we both feel like we're ready to start our lives together no matter what the challenge, however my parents disagree with me marrying young and while in college, and are pushing me to wait until we are both out of college.

I should mention that I believe it's right and my girlfriend has prayed to the Lord, about us getting married, and she also feels it's right.

I just need some insight in what to do or how to approach this.


  { Can you provide insight on how we should handle our parent's discouraging our desire to marry? }

Bob replied:


Thanks for the question.

As a general rule of thumb, you are ready to marry when you can provide for your spouse and any children that you produce as a result of your regular marital relations, which should be open to life.

If, for example, your reasoning were to include,

  • "We'll just practice birth control (even NFP) and not have any children until we're out of college, (and/or) we can live with my parents if needed." or
  • anything that does not take full responsibility and fulfillment of all marital obligations

then you would not be ready.

Ask yourself if you are still dependent in any way on your parents.

  • Are they providing for you while you are in college?
  • Do they fund your:
    • domicile?
    • Tuition?
    • Food?
    • Medical?
  • Do you pay all of your own bills? and
  • Are you able to take on your spouses bills if she has to give up work for parenting?

You would need to be 100% independent of parental financial involvement, and if that is the case, then yes, by all means move ahead quickly. If you are still tethered in some way to your parents make a plan to accelerate your independence:

  • Finish school faster
  • get full employment
  • get married and start a family.

That said, I'm not trying to discourage you but only challenging you to do what is necessary as quickly and as is feasible. I am not for waiting needlessly for some artificial cultural norm, but only for the realistic requirements for a sound footing.

Do this and you will be just and ready for marriage, despite any parental objections.


Bob Kirby

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