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Lisa wrote:

Hi, guys —

I'm a Christian who for a long time has had leanings in the celibacy direction. It's a bit complex. When I was a young girl, I adopted strict purity beliefs, and then as a young adult, I was focused more on other things, instead of dating, marriage, etc.

I'm now older, and still a virgin who has never even been kissed by a guy. I'm past the recommended childbearing age. I also have no great desire to become sexually active, especially so late. I feel that if I've made it this far in life without doing that stuff, I might as well stay on the celibacy path. I do desire companionship and close friendships. I'm shy and don't have much family of origin that I can really turn to for a lot of social support.

With sex and kids ruled out:

  • Would marriage even be considered worthwhile for a person like me, or
  • Would seeking non-sexual relationships be preferable?

I'm interested in finding out what opinions and ideas you might have.


  { As an older woman, should I consider marriage or would seeking non-sexual relationships be best? }

Eric replied:

Lisa —

Unfortunately we don't really offer much in the way of personal advice. We are more focused on the teachings of the Catholic Church. I don't immediately see the faith offering anything definitive one way or the other on this question.

If I had to offer an opinion, I'd discourage you from seeking marriage, because I don't see that you are interested in the primary ends of marriage.

Hope this helps!


Mary Ann replied:


The one thing that will fulfill you and bring you the most happiness is the will of God so ask Him to lead you, do your thinking in prayer, and be ready for what God sends.

Mary Ann

Mike replied:

Dear Lisa —

Based on what you sent us, I would contemplate the religious life. It offers:

  • companionship
  • close friendships
  • a family environment, and
  • will direct you to sanctity.

If you have a Perpetual Adoration chapel in your parish area, sit and pray with the Lord and let Him put a vocation on your heart.

If you find yourself arguing over vocations, weighing one vocation versus another one, that's great.  It's all a part of being human and discerning your calling.

I hope this helps,


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